The Fantastic Mr. Fox

As a English major, I like to think of myself as someone who is good with words and can be an eloquent writer when I so choose. I'm also legally old enough to not enjoy various alcoholic drinks (anyone who says that alcohol is better than yoohoo is a liar), so that means I'm mature, or at least I should be. I'm going to throw both of those out the window in my broad generalization of stop motion animation as "moving poop." Yes, it's juvenile, but out of all the various statements I've made on film, I don't think I've ever said anything more accurate. So, now that we've got my feelings on stop motion out of the way (seriously though, it's like some colored poop and it is moving, but I digress), let's address the film at hand, The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Throughout this horrible excuse for a movie I found myself trying to understand the origins of the title. Is it supposed to be ironic, because it's the exact opposite of fantastic? Don't worry, my lawyers are already drafting a letter to director Wes Anderson's people to deal with this blatant false advertising. While I await a response, why don't I tell you why it's so bad? From the first frame, I knew this wouldn't be a movie for me. While this is not claymation, it is still stop motion which is just the most aesthetically off-putting visual style I can ever imagine. Maybe if there was a plot or or humor or emotion then I could see past the visuals, but none of that is existent in the movie. Instead we are presented with dry attempts at humor and a plot that any 5 year old child can see through. I've never been the biggest fan of Wes Anderson's humor, but I laughed during Life Aquatic, so I can find it funny if it's done right. Instead, TFMF is a serious of zany comments and off beat jokes. From a plot standpoint, it's about a family of Fox's that keeps digging deeper to get away from a group of hunters above them. How about you stop going down and start digging sideways to get away?

While I may hate this movie (yes, Mom, I know hate is a strong word; I wish there was a stronger one), I am still enough of a movie man to be impressed when something is done right. I certainly appreciate the work that went into the animation in this movie. Each hair on the animal is an actual hair. That level of work is insane, I just wish it was used for a better movie. Anderson has a few continuous shots that impressed me and for those seconds, I forgot how much I hate stop motion. The most interesting thing that came out of this movie is something that we will never see, but is rather how Anderson got the voices. Rather than place the actors in a sound booth, he brought them to a farm and had them act out the movie. This creates a much fluid, conversational tone between the voice actors and allows the voices to feel more natural as they are actually doing the things that their animated characters are.

Whatever good things this movie has going for it are overshadowed by the dumbass narrative song sequence in the middle of the film. Remember that dance sequence in (500) Days of Summer? Well, this is the opposite of that. It takes the movie from "hmm, this is pretty bad" to "oh my god, this is horrible." I could probably come up with a witty ending to the article, but I'll leave you with what the kid behind me kept saying: "Mommy, why is that funny?" I wish I knew.

The Road

Earlier this year, I opted not to review Watchmen because I didn't trust my ability to separate the movie from my love of the source material. The same argument could be made about The Road, but I think I'm a much more awesome and accomplished blogger now (wouldn't you agree, my 5 readers?) and this is a movie that will definitely be in the awards conversation at the end of the year.

Really the quickest way to cover what I think about The Road is to say it's very good. It's right on the cusp of greatness, and I would never fault anyone for saying that it's great, or that it's just good, but as it stands now, I view it as a very good movie that lacks rewatch value. That probably comes off sounding like a shot at the movie, but it's not. The Road is a slow, dark, depressing movie that packs an emotional whallop. It is made to weigh on you well after you leave the theater. If you could watch this multiple times in a week or month, I'd say the filmmakers failed to do there job. Any movie I like as much as this, I usually see about 2 or 3 times during it's theater run. There is no way I will watch it again until blu-ray because I just can't take that much drain again.

If this sounds like a bit too much for you, then you can stop reading now (but stay and read some of the other stuff.) Everything about this movie is deliberately done. The world that director John Hillcoat creates is most realistic representation of a post-apocalyptic world I have ever seen (Yes, even more realistic than McG's Terminator Salvation.) Everything is covered with dirt and devoid of any color, including the people. The violence and visuals are uncompromising and graphic, exactly the way the book intended them to be. It is a style of filmmaking that just wears on the audience, but it is really something special to watch.

Despite taking place in this dreary, run down world, this is not an adventure movie or your typical post-apocalyptic movie. At it's heart, The Road is a film about the bond between a father and a son and how they survive once the world falls apart, which is why this film would die without outstanding performances from it's leads. Thankfully, Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee are perfect. I'll make an official prediction list closer to awards season, but Mortensen will get a nomination. His interactions with McPhee are great, and he has other fantastic moments with the other inhabitants of this world, but it is Mortensen's eyes that will get him nominated. In all my year's watching movies, I have never seen more expressive eyes. They carry all the love, sadness, and hope his character has and it is truly beautiful to see. All of the other actors are great as well, but special mention goes to The Wire alum, Michael K. Williams. His one scene with Mortensen makes for one of the most powerful in the film.

The one knock that I have on the film is that it is slow. I'm fully aware that this is not the fault of the filmmaker; I would make the case that it is Hillcoat's intention for the film to be slow. But the fact remains that the movie moves at a very slow pace, and it does not have any sort of usual plot structure. Events just unfold at varying speeds and then the film ends. This is mainly due to the novel, and I'm not faulting the film for this, just if you go to watch it, be warned. As a fan of both the book and novel though, I can say this is a near perfect adaptation, and I really couldn't see the film be done in any other way.

If it seems like my tone on this film is dark and unsure, let's pretend I'm a really good writer and I made the tone of my article mirror that of the movie. Truthfully though, this is a movie that everyone should see, because it will stay with you for days after seeing. Whether or not you like cannibals or post-apocalyptic movies, The Road is about love and family, and that is something we all can relate to.

The King Speaks: How to Make a Proper Sports Movie

Hey folks. It's been a while since I wrote something and even longer since the last (and first) installment of "The King Speaks." Sadly, I've already used the "lack of reviews is my review" joke, but the very low quality of movies during this post-summer lull has really taken it's toll on me. Couple that with having actual school work to do and working on my own short movie (I promise to post links when it's done and I promise you'll be underwhelmed), and I just haven't had the time to make it to the movie theater. Anyway, after Thanksgiving linner, I was in the mood for an uplifting, semi-cliche, family movie and The Blind Side was everything I wanted.

Now, that probably wasn't the best way to sell the film to you, but stick with me for a moment while I explain why it's not the normal cliched sports crap we usually see. The modern sports movie involves a rag-tag band of misfits who could never play together or a rag-tag individual who has a different skin color/hairstyle than the other players. Eventually, they are all united by a coach who plays by nobody's rules, not even his own, and they make it to the big game. Either they win the big game, or (more often nowadays) they lose the big game, but are winners in life. Apply this formula to Remember the Titans, Coach Carter, The Express, or Friday Night Lights and you'll see that they're all pretty much the same movie.

Enter The Blind Side, which from the trailer, looked to fit this mold, with the addition of a fiesty, southern Sandra Bullock (more on her in a moment). In actuality, TBS is a movie about a character who happens to play sports, rather than about the sport itself. After being mentioned in the first few minutes, sports don't show up again until mid to late second act. This isn't about a football player and his sport. It's about Michael Oher and how his life was changed with the help of a caring family. This isn't about the big game. We aren't even shown the big game, but rather told how it ends. Any time we're given glimpses of a football game, it has a purpose. It shows us who Michael is and how he is growing as a person. What a pleasant change it is to not have to sit through another drawn out, slow-mo, ball in the air climax, but rather get a character driven climax that has nothing to do with football. The movies message had nothing to do with sports (although sports precipitate the message) and that is quite the feat for a sports movie.

It also helps that the movie is anchored by good performances. Newcomer Quinton Aaron plays Michael and does a very good job. He has the tough task of delivering the movie cliched lines and does them in the least cringeworthy way possible. He also does a spot on Michael Oher delivery, and gives the performance without allowing it to become an impersonation. Aaron is good, but the movie dies without Sandra Bullock. I've never been a Bullock fan, and I absolutely crushed her earlier film of '09 (The Proposal) and I would have crushed All About Steve if I had seen it. That being said, she was great in this. For the first time I ever, I viewed her not as Sandra Bullock playing a part, but as Leigh Anne Tuoghy. She is the driving force of the entire movie and delivers a believable performance in a role that could have very easily earned a spot in the cliche Hall of Fame. This performance moved me from "not a fan" to driving her Oscar bandwagon. Yeah, Sandra Bullock is in the Oscar discussion. I'll give you a second to let that sink in.

So there you have it folks, the new formula for sports movies: start the character, and move outward; have a strong presence other than the main character; have a message that isn't sports related; and have strong performances in all the roles, which means never have Dennis Quaid in your movie (I'm looking at you The Express and The Rookie). All that really matters is that The Blind Side is a great movie that you should all go see.

DVD Rundown: What a Horrible Week in DVD

I'm fully aware there's no wit to that title, but since I thought Up was coming out today, the fact that it's not has me looking down on all of this week's movies. Damn do I hate the post-summer, pre-award season lull.

G.I. Joe (full review)

What a poorly put together piece of crap. I went in with my expectation level at 0 and was still disappointed. Not even Joseph Gordon-Levitt could save this one. Maybe if I was 5, I would like this movie. Then again, that's kind of insulting to 5 year old Bryan. That kid likedTerminator 2 and Aliens at that age. What awesome taste. I wonder what happened? FINAL VERDICT: Um, it sucks.

I Love You Beth Cooper (full review)

I stand by my original sentiments that this movie, while not good, was not the god-awful piece of trash that everyone seems to say it is. There were a few laughs, and some solid sentiments in it. Not offensively bad, and not a complete waste of time. FINAL VERDICT: There are some redeeming aspects to it, but at the end of the day, not enough to check it out unless you're a big fan of someone involved (the main reason I saw it is Hayden P.)

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (full review)

This is a solid thriller that is worth one watch. Denzel and Travolta are both very good and had they switched rolls (and maybe hired a new screenwriter) this could have been up there with Tony Scott's other films. Based on that statement, maybe my liking this movie has more to do with that I like Scott's style than the movie itself, but who cares? FINAL VERDICT: No rewatch value, and extremely predictable, but good rental for general audiences (so much condescension in that term).

Where the Wild Things Are

If you're looking for someone to wax nostalgic or talk about how many times I cried (spoiler alert: zero) during Where the Wild Things Are, then you've come to the wrong place. Yes, I read the book when I was younger, and I took the time to reread all 10 pages the other day in the bookstore. Maybe it was because I wasn't a dumb child or because I'm not a late 30's hipster now, but I have no affinity for the book, so I was watching the movie for what it was: a movie, not some love letter to a very overrated children's book, and as a movie, WtWTA is an absolute mess of a movie.

The first twenty minutes or so are actually pretty great, which makes the end product all the more disappointing. Max Records is pretty great as Max, the rambunctious, bipolar little pain in the ass who we follow on his journey. Through the opening, we see everything that we need to know about Max. His relationship with his older sister who is more concerned about her friends. His relationship with his mother and how he is affected by her relationship with Mark Ruffalo. There are some great character moments in opening, especially Max's reaction to something his sister does. It was beautifully heartbreaking and made me wish that we get could get a movie all about Max's life that doesn't involve massive puppet orgies.

Sadly, like most wishes I make, it fell on deaf ears and I was subjected to 90 minutes of wild things. I respect director Spike Jonze more than I could ever explain on this blog (more on that in a moment), and I respect all the work he did to get his passion project to the big screen, but the biggest problem is that WtWTA is a movie that never should have been made. There just isn't enough story and plot to drive the movie along in any sort of satisfying way. Maybe Jonze should have teamed up with Charlie Kaufman for a third time. I'm sure that would have brought about a satisfying script, though I doubt kids would have any interest. Nothing about the wild things was comelling in any way. Look, a giant dirt fight. A ball-shaped house. Really weird owls. I get that this was not an adventure film, but is more about emotion. And I get the allegory of the wild things, but that doesn't mean that I have to care. There are some good commentaries on childhood, but it is all just kind of left hanging in the end. There is really no satisfying resolution.

Back to Jonze, the guy has a great vision for movies. He's extremely modern, and likes weird, off-beat stuff, but his previous two films have been great. Technically speaking, his third film is great too. The cinematography is wonderful and the fact that the wild things were done using puppets really blew me away. The eyes were so amazingly expressive, that I almost cared about the monsters. Then I realized that they are all so one note and predictable that I didn't. The practical effects and action scenes were also visually impressive, but still emotionally hollow.

At the end of it all, I really don't know who this movie is for. It's all about kids and their issues, but it is in no way a kids movie. It's too boring and unconventional for mainstream audiences. It feels to me like an opportunity for older movie nerds to look back and go "That's right, I was a child. Thanks Spike!" Looks like the artsy kids and the bearded weirdos can have their day in the sun. As for me, let me know Where the Wild Things Are, so I can stay as far away from there as possible.

DVD Rundown: Land of the Proposal from Hell

Drag Me To Hell (Full review here)

You might know this movie as the one you saw the trailer for and thought "Hmm, that looks terrible." Well, that's true. The trailers were terrible because they advertised a straight horror movie, which this is not. What we got was a fun horror comedy that I absolutely loved. I love this movie so much I'm surprised that I didn't try to make out with the screen after it was over. The combinations of gross out gags and actual scares might be off putting to some (mainly those who don't enjoy fun), but I really believe this is a horror movie that transcends the genre. Also, Alison Lohman might be the cutest person of all time. FINAL VERDICT: I've already bought both the standard DVD and the blu-ray, but you should probably rent it first to see if it's for you. But rent it right now.

Land of the Lost (Full review here)

While Land of the Lost is certainly not laughless (nearly impossible to contain Ferrell and McBride for a whole movie), there is really nothing redeeming about it. The entire movie is a mashup of weird sketches that lack any cohesive narrative. For a $100 million, we deserved a lot better than this. FINAL VERDICT: Not offensively bad, but not enjoyable. Skip it

The Proposal (Full review here)

Ugh. This piece of shit again. While it probably isn't the worst movie of the year, and isn't "one of the most unrealistic representation of human beings I’ve ever seen", but it is really not good. It is just sloppy across the board. Every joke and plot element is choreographed for a mile away. Then again, I tend to view movies with a harsher eye than some of my simpler readers, so it might be the thing for you. FINAL VERDICT: If you are looking for characters, humor, or enjoyment, then you should look elsewhere. Otherwise, it's worth renting.

Zombieland

Aside from slasher flicks, zombie movies might be the most overused and unoriginal properties out there. Now, I'm not referring to Romero's classics or even Snyder's remake of one of those classics, but to whatever crap zombie movie Romero is making now or Resident Evil: Redundancy. Peruse the horror aisle at Blockbuster like I often do on Saturday night, and you'll see that there are even more bad zombie films out there than you could possibly imagine. There are so many bland takes on the genre, which is why it is so refreshing to see a movie that deals with zombies in a fun and original. Welcome to Zombieland.

While I doubt the lead role was actually written for Jesse Eisenberg, it fit him so perfectly that it might as well have been. As the meak, cowardly, extremely phobic Columbus, Eisenberg rattles off a continuous list of rules for how to survive in Zombieland. Not only is this list funny, it is presented in an even funnier way, making for one of the more enjoyable opening 10 minutes of a movie in recent memory. For my money, I'll take Eisenberg over Cera in a battle of who can be more nerdy and awkward. Cera may be funnier, but Eisenberg gives a heart and emotional depth to his characters that I have never seen from Cera. Equally as good as Eisenberg is Woody Harrelson, who is basically as far opposite of his counterpart as humanly possible. Yes, it's a simple buddy movie formula, but when it is surrounded by zombies and executed to flawlessly, it leads to the perfect framework of the movie. On the flipside, the best things I can say about Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin is that they don't make Eisenberg and Harrelson worse. The performances are very solid, especially since they aren't asked to do much, but the characters feel kinda flat and one note, and their actions throughout the film make absolutely no sense at times.

Though Zombieland is being advertised as a horror comedy, it is certainly more of the latter, and almost none of the former. I can think of maybe one scene that had an actual scare in it, and it wasn't anything special. While I'm saying the movie is not scary, I don't mean it as a bad thing. It is so funny and so well executed that it might be the best comedy of the year. Juxtaposed to that humor is some crazy violence and tons of gore. The kills and blood are certainly not for the squeamish. By the time the third act rolls around (more on that in just a second), we are witnesses to one of the better and more original movie shootouts.

At the risk of sounding like a Zombieland hater, there are problems with this movie, and most of them come in the third act. Since the tone of the movie is light and comedic throughout, when it tries to become darker and more intense later, it feels forced and unbelievable (although, there is an emotional scene earlier in the film that deals with who Harrelson was before the outbreak that is perfectly done). To be honest, the entire third act feels forced due to actions by some of the main characters that just don't make sense. It is as though the writers realized they'd wrapped up the story and then had to throw a plot device in there just because it could be cool (and it is, for the most part).

Regardless of the criticisms I have, I still love the movie. It is fun, original, comedic, gory, and violent. I really don't know if there's a better combination for a movie out there, and when it's executed as well as Zombieland is, it makes for a great time at the movies.