Coraline

When I was 5, my grandma took me to see The Nightmare Before Christmas. I don’t remember much about it aside from hating every second of it and walking out. I’ve said on a few occasions that the movie almost ruined my childhood. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve heard nothing but good things about it and been told that I was too young at the time. I had no desire to see it again, but when I saw the Coraline trailer, it seemed like a creepy enough and original way to spend a night and it would be the perfect opportunity to delve into one of Henry Selick’s claymation worlds at an older age. I joked with my sister thatCoraline would ruin my young adulthood. While it was not that bad, it was certainly enough to ruin my Friday night.

Before I get into my opinions on elements of the film, I need to comment on clay-mation. There are a lot of people in the world who have a special spot in their heart for claymation; I am not one of them. I already said that I hatedNightmare Before Christmas and the only other thing that comes to mind isJames and the Giant Peach, another stinker. I don’t know if I would like it more if the stories were less weird or if I saw a claymation film that wasn’t done by Selick. I’d say no, because there is just something so fake about it that I’m completely unconnected to the rest of the movie. I understand how much work goes into claymation, and I respect what they’re doing. That doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I’m not crazy about animation in general, but I have enjoyed a large amount of the Pixar and Dreamworks digitally animated films. On the car ride back (during which I was fuming at how much I hated Coraline), I asked myself if I would have enjoyed the movie more if it was digitally animated and the answer is a resounding no.

I wanted to like Coraline. It’s the best reviewed film of the year so far and has been enjoyed by people who’s opinions I respect. Maybe I’m too conventional when it comes to my movies, but this film was just too out there for my liking. The look that claymation gives a film is weird in itself, and when you throw that ridiculous plot on top of it, there’s nothing redeeming for me. Weird neighbors with blue skin, dancing mice, other parents with buttons on their eyes, a piano that plays itself, alternate dimensions, the kid next door who plays with slugs, giant mantis cars…I can go on but I’m making myself angry. Apparently there were funny moments in this film, because the audience members laughing. From what I can tell, they were eating the whole thing up. Again, I’d say that I’m just not weird enough to enjoy movies like this. The “creepy” aspects aren’t creepy because everything around them is so damn stupid. It is certainly not a film you would take kids to see, unless you dislike them. If that’s the case, I’d recommend sending them to Camp Birchmont instead.

I would go on, but I think anyone reading this gets the idea, and I’m just getting upset. This is the worst film I’ve seen in a good while, and I’m includingIndiana Jones and Whoring of a Beloved Franchise For Cash. I really hated this film, and I don’t know if I am able to convey that enough. A lot of films are going to come out in 2009, and it’s going to take a real shit-show to knockCoraline from the top of my “Worst Of” list.